Childless 22-year-old criticizes brother for raising 'iPad kids,' claims he's better at taking care of them after 12 hours of babysitting: '[They were] very calm children, as opposed to the brats they are when they're with me'

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    AITA for telling my brother that he has no idea what he's talking about because he isn't a parent?
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    I (26M) have 3 kids under 5 (4F, 4F and 2M) with a 4th kid on its way. Before we had kids, my wife and I had lots of ideas about the parents we were going to be and we had lots of scorn for people who parented in ways we disagreed with but, as any parent knows, actually raising kids is hard work and you will break your "values".
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    My brother (22M) is doing a psychology degree, with a few modules on child psychology and development. He regularly tells me that he thinks "ipad kids" are spoiled brats who will struggle developmentally and they are the spawn of lazy, negligent parents.
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    I wouldn't say my kids are ipad kids but they do have an ipad between the 3 of them and more screen time that I would ideally like but sometimes thems the breaks.
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    My brother also disapproves of the fact we give our kids sweets as bribes (occasionally) and have lied to our kids. Every time he tells me his views on parenting I just laugh and tell him to try being a parent, then I'll take his advice.
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    Recently, due to an emergency, my wife and I needed a babysitter for a whole day so I called my brother because, despite his judgement, he is actually very good with our kids.
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    When we got home in the evening the kids were in bed having had dinner and we thanked him profusely. He very ernestly told us that, now he had experienced being a parent, he realised that not letting your kids use screens was very easy and they hadn't watched TV or used their ipad in the 12 hours he'd been there. He also said he'd calmed their fears (they had been aware of the emergency a little bit), read to them, not had to bribe them to do anything with sweets and he'd dealt with very calm re
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    We'd been planning on giving him £200 to thank him for doing this for us short notice and looking after the kids for so long but we sent him on his way without any pay.
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    the next day I called him up to tell him I thought his behaviour was incredibly inappropriate, that I appreciated him looking after the kids but it was better he didn't see them for a while and that him springing that all on us especially after a day of stress showed how immature he really was. I told him that he actually didn't know anything about parenting because he wasn't a parent. I concede I may have gone too far but my mum called me up later to tell me my brother was crying and she called
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    jrm1102 1 day ago edited 1 day ago YTA we had lots of scorn for people who parented in ways we disagreed with This really set the tone for your post. You and your wife seem aggressive and judgmental. Something tells me your brother did not lecture you about your parenting and just reported how the kids did and you took it way too personally.
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    perfidious_snatch - 1 day ago The higher the horse, the harder the fall
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    irm1102 1 day ago edited 1 day ago Exactly. OP started this post saying he has contempt for other parents and people who parent differently. So when the brother let him know how their day went, and it was different than how they usually parent- that off OP, something he freely admits he already does.
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    Goalie_LAX_21093 · 1 day ago I read it that they had contempt BEFORE they had kids and now that they have kids, they realize how wrong they were. And now his brother is doing the same thing - judging something that he hasn't lived himself.
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    No-Locksmith-8590. 1 day ago Now they have contempt for people who judge parents- aka exactly how they acted. So, they're hypocrites.
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    CanneloniCanoe ⚫ 23 hr. ago I mean, it's a pretty common experience. A lot of people start out with high ideals and find they have to get a little more flexible once they hit the reality of their particular kid. That's just normal, especially if you've haven't spent significant time with young kids before.
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    MesaCityRansom · 1 day ago YTA, sounds like your childless brother is a better parent than you. Maybe listen to him?
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    Sure-Office-8911. 1 day ago One night makes not the parent
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    • Ceecee_soup 1 day ago Sometimes it takes someone who doesn't deal with a situation daily to see it from a new perspective. That's not just with kids, that's with everything. I think it can be even more true with kids because of how quickly kids grow and how hard that can be to see when you're with them daily.
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    Prestigious-Use4550 · 1 day ago You don't sound like you have kids. Kids are typically better behaved for others than they are for there parents.
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    Lamacorn 1 day ago Parents have it tough and often develop cutches to cope. That doesn't make what the parents do good or effective. If a parent relents to whining, then the kids will whine more. If a parent doesn't follow through on threats, then the kids won't believe the threats.
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    It's a lot easier for a babysitter to follow through and be consistent when they aren't dealing with the kids 24/7, and likely not getting enough sleep. So unless the parent asks for advice it's best not to offer it. This is definitely a ESH.

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